Dear Straight Men,

The year is 2430 A.D. Approximately one in every four men has been raped by a woman. At least 2 out of these cases occurred in an intimate relationship where the woman had sworn endlessly to the man to love and cherish him, to protect and to hold till death.

Intimate partner violence is the leading cause of male deaths. You have lost all 4 of your squad because of the women in their lives. Two of them have been forbidden by their women from going out with you or going on an outing that does not revolve around domestic chores. The other two are dead. One was killed by his crazy wife while the other died in a home accident, but you know it wasn’t an accident.

It’s evening time. You are watching the game with some random guys at 411 because you have no friends to watch with anymore and the cool guys from work all have to rush home to take care of their kids and cook for their wives.

It’s 2018. 1 in 3 women worldwide has experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.

During half time, you go to get yourself a drink at the bar. While waiting for the barman, one of the obnoxious ladies that’s been yelling all night comes up beside you and starts asking you stupid questions:

  • “What’s your name?”
  • “You look responsible, what’s a good boy like you doing in a bar?”
  • “I like your packaging, can I have your phone number?”
  • “When do you plan to leave? You shouldn’t stay out late, you know these streets are not safe for guys,”
  • She continues, her hand roaming aimlessly on the sleeve of your white shirt.

    You can tell from the way she slurs her words that she’s drunk. You wish the barman would hurry up and attend to you. You hold your breath and pray that she leaves you alone, finds some other guy to hit on. Before the prayer can even hit the roof, she grabs your balls and squeezes hard. You wince in pain and fear and small ecstasy. Your erection annoys you.

    When the barman finally comes to take your order, you complain about the obnoxious ladies and he says “bros na customer dem be na, dem come watch ball like you too.” You contemplate telling him about the lady who just squeezed your balls but you desist - it’s an exercise in futility. The most you will get is a “bros you sef try o, see wetin you carry, only you,” and maybe tips on how to make yourself less appealing to women. As if it’s a crime to have a fine face and big chest in this Lagos. So you take your drink and quietly head back to your seat, ensuring you don’t attract too much attention as you walk by.

    Nigeria is still ranked highest among sub-Saharan African nations with high maternal deaths. 71% of trafficking victims worldwide are women and girls.

    You leave for home immediately after the referee blows the whistle. You don’t want the lady from earlier to return.

    At home, you cannot tell your parents what happened because you know their response will be along the lines of, “What were you doing in the bar? Why didn’t you just watch the game from home like the responsible young man that you are?”

    This is not fair! You yell in your head and slam your bedroom door so hard your mother cringes all the way from the sitting room.

    Men are still debating women’s reproductive rights. 1 in 5 girls in the world is said to be married before 18. In Nigeria, 43% of girls are married off before their 18th birthday.

    On Twitter, there’s a poll going around, asking men about their sexual harassment experiences.

    “Have you ever been touched inappropriately at work? Have you ever been groped in public? Do you feel unsafe when walking in dark corners? Do you have to look over your shoulders when walking to your car in a deserted car park? Have you ever had to fake a phone call to stop a woman from talking to you while you were out walking?”

    You tick all the boxes.

    @bigdaddyj is doing a thread on all the ways that women oppress men. He ends it with #WomenAreScum.

    @badgalririb replies: “I understand that you are angry but not all women are like this, some of us are still good.”

    @Anjibaby replies: “You can’t paint all of us with the same brush, get sense please.”

    Your hands are itching to smash something. Women are killing men at home, blocking men from career advancement with domestic obligations, making laws denying men reproductive rights, assaulting men everywhere and one useless aunty on twitter is saying “not all women.” If she were beside you, you would have smashed her throat all the way into her stomach but she isn’t so you reply to her, “Fuck you.”

    Dear straight men, “Not all men” clearly isn’t solving the problem.

    It’s 2018. 1 in 3 women worldwide has experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime. Intimate partner violence is one of the leading causes of death of women worldwide. Globally, as many as 38% of murders of women are committed by a male intimate partner.

    37 countries exempt rape perpetrators from prosecution when they are married to or subsequently marry the victim.

    Men are still debating women’s reproductive rights. 1 in 5 girls in the world is said to be married before 18. In Nigeria, 43% of girls are married off before their 18th birthday. Every day, approximately 830 women die from preventable causes related to pregnancy and childbirth.

    Nigeria is still ranked highest among sub-Saharan African nations with high maternal deaths. 71% of trafficking victims worldwide are women and girls. 3 out of 4 trafficked women and girls are sexually exploited. Women still face sexual harassment and assault at alarming rates in intimate and public spaces.

    Dear straight men, “Not all men” clearly isn’t solving the problem.

    Photo by Dazzle Jam from Pexels