Dear straight men, there is never an invitation to talk or play 21 questions with women. Except there is an explicit, unequivocal invitation. Think of this as your guide to approaching women.

Let’s say you’re walking down the road and you see this woman in whom, for some reason catches your interest and you think of approaching her, there is a method to it and this post is going to cover that. The first thing you need to know is this: DO NOT APPROACH.

You see a woman walking down the road or sipping a drink or doing whatever and you think she needs some company? Think again. If she needed company, she probably would have asked one of the other several innumerable people in her life. So stop for a second and DO NOT.

You see a number of women walking down the road and you think they need male company? Think again. If they needed a man, they would have gotten one or asked you explicitly. So, DO NOT.

Now, if for some reason, you really really really think in the backyard of your mind that this woman who is simply minding her business needs your company, check yourself for the following:

  • Do I look weird in any way? Think strong face, set jaws, etc.
  • Is there anything about me that is even remotely likely to scare anyone? Think bulging muscles, fang-like teeth or visible erection. If your answer to any of the questions above is yes, I beg you in the name of everything that’s good and true, please dear, stay in your lane.
  • Now, if your answer to the questions above is no, again, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Am I decently dressed enough to approach a stranger that I do not know from Adam? Remember, the first impression matters most.
  • Do I have something beneficial to offer this lady for her time or am I just going to waste her time and mine?
  • If your answer to any of the above questions is no, Abort mission. Delete operation. What right do you think you have to approach a woman without thinking first about what to say? Do you intend to stutter or ask silly questions like:

    What is your name? Where are you going to? Or worse, say stupid things like: I like the way you walk; I like your style; You look familiar, it’s like I’ve seen you before; I like you please give me your phone number so I can check up on you.

    No. No, it’s neither the time nor place to embarrass your ancestors. Mission impossible. Desist immediately.

    Now, if your answer to the above questions is yes, the coast is somewhat clear and it’s time for the tricky part: approaching. There is no one specific way to approach a lady who has not expressly asked you to approach her and the best way to do it is DO NOT (see disclaimer below). But if you have passed the tests above then maybe you should.

    Disclaimer: Please, disregard all above and approach (with respect, humility and caution) if the said female is in a compromising or dangerous situation or showing sign of distress. For clarity, dangerous or compromising situations include but not limited to: (A) Being catcalled by other members of the male species. (B) Nervously looking over shoulders and hurrying along (although in this case, you could be the reason for this behaviour).

    Signs of distress include and are not limited to:

  • (A) Perspiring excessively (this one is tricky. Again, use your gumption).
  • (B) Having breathing difficulties.
  • (C) Fainting.
  • (D) Muscular spasms or
  • (C) Obvious intense pain.
  • In the next post, I will be taking you for a walk down the female lane. Stay tuned.

    Photo by nappy from Pexels